Farewell
My dad passed away on September 8th at 6:08 pm in New Orleans. His heart just stopped beating. They had tried to bring him back, but in the end his body couldn't survive what it had been through. My mom was there by his side the whole time. Jackson and I tried to fly out in time but we didn't make it. I can't quite explain how hard it was to have to walk through the airport and try not to burst into tears in front of the crowds of people.
We've been here in New Orleans for several days now. The city is dark but beautiful. I've been losing track of the time... It has been strangely therapeutic to be in a completely foreign place. We each have had our own way with dealing with his death. In a way, I feel this place has been healing us and helping us sort through the confusion we were left in.
The other day, my mom walked by a restaurant and it was playing the song that they had danced to on their wedding day. A few days ago, Jackson went down to a bar next to the hospital. A man there saw he was crying and asked him what had happened. When he explained, the man paid Jackson's entire tab and then got the band to dedicate a beautiful song to my dad.
I was having trouble sleeping for several days. One night I was awake and feeling completely overwhelmed with grief. All of the sudden I could have sworn I had a feeling my dad was there in the corner of the room. He wasn't upset or worried or in pain like he had been for the last few months. And I swear he told me with so much love that everything was ok.
I illegally snuck into the St. Roch's Cemetery a few days ago. They were closed, but I had to see the Saint's shrine so I jumped the fence. It's a beautiful tiny room in the chapel where people over the years have placed replicas of human body parts in thanksgiving for cures attributed to the help of St. Roch. I think the part that upsets me the most about my dad's passing was how close we were to handling his illness, yet how far away we were. My dad became an organ donor himself and ended up helping someone else. I spent a little time alone in the room and sent off a thanks to him for everything.
Theo
Theo turned 6 today. I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. It was such a happy day for me... He is such a burst of cheerfulness and energy, it's hard to ever be sad around him. Today at school he got to wear a birthday crown all day, and when he came home I made him a Minecraft cake. He told me it was amazing, even though I'm sure it was a little ghetto. Hope you had a great day kiddo :)
Oh, and he also drew me a picture of a unicorn fart today. What a gem.
An update
Things have been a little crazy lately... My mom's been in New Orleans with my dad for the past 2 weeks. I know I'm a grown woman, but it's so strange to have my parents so far away from me. I rely on them so much and take for granted that they're always only a few minutes away whenever I need them...
My dad is now at the Ochsner Medical Center in Louisiana. They're the #1 liver transplant hospital in the country, which is awesome. Things were going pretty good for a little bit, he was able to get up and talk with me on the phone (he was joking and swearing like he normally does). Last Friday he had a total relapse though and became unresponsive again. He has pneumonia, a stomach infection, failing kidneys, and blood in his lungs. It's just a mess... He basically needs to just get stable enough to be able to survive a transplant surgery. My mom told me that he's now able to open his eyes and nod his head a bit, and his neurologist says it's encouraging.
Anyways, that's the update. I wish I had better news to share... Hopefully a week from now things will be better. Thank you for all the phone calls and kind messages, it means a lot.
xx
Jess